A World Divided

November 10th, 2011

Well…in the interest of saving everyone time, (because this review is going to be a long one) I’ve decided to skip the witty banter and start this review with an epic sized SIGHHHHHHH.

That’s right folks…I am sighing, which if you know me at all means I am swimming in a pool of disappointment.  A pool, (mind you) that I insist you join me in, so for the love of all that is holy, keep reading.

 

When Aurora meets Trey, a famous singer and musician, she’s only hoping to get her fill of human blood for the week. The last thing Aurora expects is for Trey to make her feel alive for the first time since she was, well, alive. It begins with a casual painting lesson at her art studio, The Waking Moon, and quickly turns into a forbidden romance. Aurora is forced to hide her true identity from Trey, while keeping her relationship with the human a secret from other vampires in her Brood.

Trey’s band is recording a new album and with Aurora as his muse, Trey is writing songs like never before. After being hired by their record label to paint the cover of the new album, Aurora has a legitimate reason for spending so much time with Trey and his band mates. Aurora can’t deny the unexpected connection she has with Trey, which is fueled by glimpses into his emotions every time they share a kiss. Caught between two worlds, Aurora must attend celebrity award shows and vampire rituals, find time to feed, and protect Trey from the dangers of the night, all while preserving her secrets.

 

I would have loved to jump into this review raving about the next great vampire book.  I would have loved to tell you that Jensen catapulted me into a world that I haven’t read before; that her take on the “night’s” special brand of blood loving freaks was unique and fresh.  What I really wanted, (damn it!) was to start this review with my new favorite phrase: “Shut The Front Door!” But I couldn’t.

Why?

Because let’s face it…when it comes to “generalized” vamp stories it’s pretty much a been there done that world.

Now, keeping all of that (and by “that” I mean the 3 evil heads of the vampire community, the loaner vampire, the sudden and unexplainable fascination with a particular human) the A-typical vampire behavior and the blatant cliché’s that surrounded it were NOT what actually did me in.  It was the disjointedness of the story that did.

Here’s the thing.  This story was narrated by 2 different characters, (the girl and the boy) which is not all that unusual.  What IS unusual however is the authors negligence towards one of the narrators, (particularly the one that opened the story.)  For three whole chapters I was sucked in. There was dissention in the vamp ranks, there was the obsessed best-friend, there were even a few self-loathing monologues thrown into the mix.

So what happened?

That my friend IS the question of the day.

I’m not sure if Jensen got side tract or if her love of music producing got in the way, but the plot all but stopped.  For eleven chapters.  To be honest, I thought I had lost my mind, that maybe (just maybe) I had read the first few chapters wrong and that Trey had been talking all along, but NOPE…I was right.  The story was in a holding pattern.

Now, of course the story didn’t STAY that way, (or I’d still be reading it) but regardless of its eventual landing back on the tarmac there was still a very obvious lack of concern when it came to Jensen’s other characters.  In short…this was the Trey show.  For a story that was supposed to intertwine (into some epic love story) it was shockingly separated and more often than not could have been mistaken for two entirely different books.

Even worse…there were plot points that weren’t even addressed at all after the first half of the book, (can someone say “random fledgling alert!”)  I know that this book is supposed to be only the 1st in a series, and that yes…authors like to throw in things that can be useful “plot wise” in the next edition, but for God’s sake…don’t make it sound so important and life changing in one chapter and the never mention it again, (it kind of second guesses it’s importance…if you catch what I’m saying.)

So was there absolutely NOTHING I liked about this book? Everything has a few bright shiny moments, but unfortunately this time they were just to far apart to keep me interested.

In a world FULL of vampires books, I say this one needs some work.  Purchase at your own risk; $4.99 is a little steep for this read.

Happy reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: Sometimes less IS actually more.

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(2/5)

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101 Reasons to Avoid NYC!

July 22nd, 2011

I realized yesterday, (as I sat staring at a blank white screen for an hour,) that sometimes the right words are hard to find.  For many of us, our words are confined to the simple (and sometimes idiotic) phrases that fly from our mouths each day, while others of us feel the need to put them on paper, (offer them up to a wider audience if you will,) and it is those words that are judged differently.  While normal conversation is free flowing and spontaneous, words written for the specific means of having them read are planned, plotted, written, re-written and then eventually edited to convey EXACTLY what the author meant.  Both forms have consequences and significance, but only one of those can be picked apart and overanalyzed to death. The WRITTEN word.
 
Ok, my point (I assure you I have one.) In the last several books I have read (some I have reviewed others I have not) I have found myself taken aback by the authors need to throw around the “L” word. While the word (sadly) has taken a somewhat “less than meaningful” tone in everyday society, (thank you very much horny teenagers) it’s importance in literature is the exact opposite, (heavily weighted and to be accompanied by sincerity.) Why exactly am I giving you a lesson in word placement instead of telling you about “Turned?” Because this book is a prime example of misplaced affection, and unfortunately…it detracted from the story instead of adding to it.
 
First…the synopsis. (yes, I’m being lazy by copying the author’s blurb…sue me.)
 
“In TURNED (Book #1 of the Vampire Journals series), eighteen year old Caitlin Paine finds herself uprooted from her nice suburb and forced to attend a dangerous New York City high school when her Mom moves again. The one ray of light in her new surroundings is Jonah, a new classmate who takes an instant liking to her. But before their romance can blossom, Caitlin suddenly finds herself changing. She is overcome by a superhuman strength, a sensitivity to light, a desire to feed–by feelings she does not understand. She seeks answers to what’s happening to her, and her cravings lead her to the wrong place at the wrong time. Her eyes are opened to a hidden world, right beneath her feet, thriving underground in New York City. She finds herself caught between two dangerous covens, right in the middle of a vampire war. It is at this moment that Caitlin meets Caleb, a mysterious and powerful vampire who rescues her from the dark forces. He needs her to help lead him to the legendary lost artifact. And she needs him for answers, and for protection. Together, they will need to answer one crucial question: who was her real father? But Caitlin finds herself caught between two men as something else arises between them: a forbidden love. A love between the races that will risk both of their lives, and will force them to decide whether to risk it all for each other…”
 
Now, onto my soapbox I go.  I would first like to state that I had some pretty severe reservations about “Turned” by Morgan Rice before I even turned on my Kindle.  While the synopsis sounds exciting, (“action packed” if you are going by my first impression) the book in it’s entirety is only 196 pages long.  Seems a little condensed for so much going on right? I thought so.  Anyways, I was certain that unless Ms. Rice had a magic wand and the best damn thesaurus in town there was no way she was going to pull this off successfully in so few pages.  I was both right…and wrong. (Damn I hate it when that happens.)
 
For starters the first 20% or so was VERY one dimensional, (as in generic YA fluff with no legs) it was not until Rice introduced multi-narration that the story actually (pardon the pun) grew some teeth and became interesting.  With the introduction of additional characters we also found ourselves immersed in action, (chase scenes to be exact which…by the way…were expertly penned.) The action led to Caleb, which in turn led to the “series plot” (as apposed to this specific books “sub plot”) and the story took flight. This (“lets save the girl…she is the “One”) moment is also the point where Rice should have slowed her story down.  It is obvious in most books who the love interest is going to be, but it is an authors duty to maneuver their relationship in a way that creates an attachment between the reader and the characters in the book, (*cough* this is where the “L” word lesson would have come in handy) Though the “I Love You” in “Turned” came at 86% (which seems late) it was VERY premature. Caleb and Caitlin had known each other for approximately 3 hours and (while yes) there was a “connection” the immediate revelation of “love” dwindled every ounce of anticipation the reader might have had towards their next encounter (this little slip up also makes the next book much less appealing.) If (for example) Rice would have waited until book 2 to declare feelings, the intimacy between the two would have fueled the readers desire to keep going.
 
“I love you” issues and ”fantastic action sequences” aside, the book was…average.  There were a few discrepancies through-out the writing (tenses) and I whole-heartily believe that if given more room to write the book would have felt more complete, but overall it wasn’t that bad of a read.  It was quick, it ultimately kept my attention, and it had both evil and nice vampires with is a nice change of pace.
 
Happy Reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: If you start craving blood, and can suddenly lift a car over your head chances are you don’t have a stomach flu.
 
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(3/5)
 
 

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Say Hello To My Little Friend

January 26th, 2011

When I first read the synopsis for Monique Martin’s “Out of Time” I was a little confused. It’s not all that uncommon to fuse genres but, time travel and vampires?

I have read several time travel novels lately, and lord knows I’m a fan of the pointed tooth, but mushing these two together seemed a little far fetched to me. So… as per usual (or at least it seems so these days) I strapped on my “Negative Nancy” attitude and started to read.

Dear Monique, I apologize for being a moron.

Not only was this book NOTHING like I had originally suspected; I will (begrudgingly) admit I was completely hooked after 1 chapter.

Simon is obsessed with the occult, and as a professor specializing in “the way of the weird” he has plenty of time to dwell on (otherwise) meaningless facts. Elizabeth, teeny tiny and full of fire, is his assistant. Apart they are stubborn, sarcastic, pessimistic and independent, but suck them into a time traveling watch and plop them down into the roaring 20′s, they suddenly become so much more. Clueless as to how exactly they ended up knee deep in gangsters and speakeasies Simon and Elizabeth set off to get answers. Unfortunately answers come at a price. Broke and seemingly alone, the need to find jobs become blarringly apparent, but with no leads and no experience the plate is pretty empty, that is of course until Elizabeth bumps into a friendly barkeep in the park. Will Elizabeth’s new job put food on the table, or make her the lunch? Will Simon ever stop lying to himself, and the most important question…what happens when your obsession becomes your reality and they want your wife?

Like I stated before I was hooked after just one chapter. Throwing a modern couple into the throws of not 1 but 2 major predicaments was a stroke of genre-hopping genius, and to surround it with the angst and hype of the “Bugsy” age made the read even more compelling. But, prohibition and Coney Island aside, the “thing” that really drew me in, was Martin’s characters. Building successful players is no easy feat, but building them in a time that is not their own is a challenge of another nature. Imagine a girl who stands up for equality and basic human rights… now plop her down in an ally where a guy (who apparently didn’t pay a debt he was owed) is being pummeled.  Now demand that she walk away. Tricky right? Meshing the complexity of a free thinking woman in an age where women were thought of as dames and cat called on a regular basis couldn’t have been easy. Doing all of this while weaving a spindly tale of love and it’s ultimate evil only solidified the presence of Martin’s natural talent.

Keep a close eye on Ms. Martin my friends cause I see sparkly wonderful things in here literary future.

This one is a keeper folks. Get it, Live it, Love it… pass it on.

Happy Reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: No good can come from a man that calls himself King.

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(4/5)

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Rubbing Alcohol – A Girls Best Friend!

October 19th, 2010

Normally I would start off my review with a story, a flash from my past or dabble in the mysteries of my life hindering OCD, however this time I cannot. While I would like to tell you my life has been forever altered by this book, that once upon a time this did or did not happen to me, that because of this book I can sleep better at night, I would be lying, so instead I give you this. My thank you letter.

Dear Blake, Joe, Jeff and Paul,

I bow down to you. Not because of your literary genius (which is so evident in your previous works,) but rather for the strong constitution all of you must posses. While the rest of the world is fawning over sparkly vampires, pledging their undying devotion to the “lovers of blood” you stood up and said “No! We cannot have this.” You my friends have found the courage to stand up for your beliefs . The belief that vampires are meant to be mean, are meant to be ugly, and most importantly vampires are NOT supposed to be VEGITARIAN! You my friends have given us back the fright we have all been missing, and to that I say thank you. To that I say bravo!

Now.. I’m fairly certain you can guess my feelings on this book from the previous two paragraphs, but in predictable fashion I will continue.

“Draculas” was FANTASTIC. The writing, the plot, the way in which the words floated off of the pages in Technicolor. This novel (simply stated) was more than I could have ever asked for.

I have read novels written by multiple authors before and been pleased (King/Straub) and on the flipside, have been sorely disappointed (Sorry… not gonna throw them under the bus) but the idea of 4 writers had me a little…well… baffled. While each of these writers are masters of their craft, I was concerned that their defined styles would clash, that the distinction between each would be too much to bare and that in the end I would find the novel much more confusing than enjoyable. Lucky for me (and you) that was not the case at all. Instead, what was offered up was a novel so well attuned to itself that I got lost in the lives of the people inside the story, not the writer that was spewing them out.

This novel was not written in chapters, but rather written as “characters” which only fueled it’s steadily burning fire. Seeing multiple sides to this, (sometimes gruesome, always complex story) was a treat in itself. Sure…we are reading about what is happening in the maternity ward, but what about in the ER? No problem. Coming right up. But all of this: the writing, the dazzling descriptions, and fantastic character building is nothing compared to the ending. The last 10% is (how did they word it?) Oh yeah…was without doubt a “coup de grass.”

So what does this mean for you? Well… let’s just break it down. If you love a scary read (clown included) around Halloween this one is a must read. If you are sick to death of vampires with rock hard abs and perfectly coifed hair… this is a must read, but… if you are squeamish, afraid of the dark, or have a fear of hospitals in any way shape or form, this one is probably not the best of ideas.

Me personally? I think I’ll read it again.

Happy Reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: if at first you don’t succeed try try again, and if by the third time those pesky humans still haven’t given you any delicious red candy just F*cking take it.

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(5/5)

I knew I would never do this blub justice… so here you go, straight from the warped minds of it’s maker:

A DYING MAN’S GREATEST TREASURE…

Mortimer Moorecook, retired Wall Street raider, avid collector, is losing his fight against cancer. With weeks to live, a package arrives at the door of his hillside mansion—an artifact he paid millions for…a hominoid skull with elongated teeth, discovered in a farmer’s field in the Romanian countryside. With Shanna, his beautiful research assistant looking on, he sinks the skull’s razor sharp fangs into his neck, and immediately goes into convulsions.

OPENS THE DOOR TO AN ANCIENT EVIL…

A rural hospital. A slow night in the ER. Until Moorecook arrives strapped to a gurney, where he promptly codes and dies.

WHERE DEATH IS JUST THE BEGINNING.

Four well-known horror authors pool their penchants for scares and thrills, and tackle one of the greatest of all legends, with each writer creating a unique character and following them through a vampire outbreak in a secluded hospital.

The goal was simple: write the most intense novel they possibly could.

Which they did.

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When Fake IDs Aren’t Enough

October 10th, 2010

Unless you have been living in a closet, or an underwater vessel void of civilization, I’m pretty sure you’ve noticed the “Vampire Trend.” It is nearly impossible to enter a store (book, clothing or even grocery) without seeing a product featuring the spiky toothed un-dead we as a culture have become obsessed with.  Yes… I myself have a sick fascination with the fanged, but in recent years have found myself stumped with the turn towards good versus evil.  When I was a teenager books like “Dracula” and “The Queen of the Damned” were up front and center in my literary journey.  Brooding and malevolent were the name of the game, but in the last few years… the creatures we grew up fearing have suddenly turning into sparkly (sometime glowing) love objects with perfect hair, and abs you could use as an ironing board. (No offense Steph I loved Twilight) What I want to know however, is… how did this happen? And why did it take so long for our vampires with anger management issues to return?

In Dawn Judd’s “Reining In” we are not completely deprived of vampire “civilization” (if you will,) but lucky for us… evil is just around the corner.

Khalida is a vampire.  A very old one as a matter of fact, and after 5,000 years she has learned a lot of lessons, the most important being to protect herself.  Her way of doing this? Creating a network of humans to keep her on the move, and in the black. (Social Security numbers don’t just grow on trees you know)  Hiding under the alias of a major corporation Khalli does what she like when she would like to, until one day she makes a really bad decision.  She gets hungry and stops for a drink.  (Did I mention the “No Trespassing” sign?) Suddenly finding herself face to face with a group of humans that aren’t impressed by her vampire status Khalli realizes something.  Her past has finally caught up with her.  Will sheer determination be enough to save her family from her past mistakes? What will happen when “The Network” learns the truth, and more importantly will Mack ever forgive her for destroying the most important thing in his life?

Vampires are riding a fine line these day.  One wrong step and an otherwise enticing plot can go from “Yea” to “Nay” so it’s nice when I find a novel that has balance.  As a reader I don’t want to hate my lead character, I want to connect with him/her, understand their motive; whether the original intention was evil or a matter of self preservation.  The only way to do this is by making them real. (Not literally of course…pretty sure Lord Voldemort isn’t sleeping in my guest room) What is mean is by making US feel by making the CHARACTER feel.  Judd (lucky for her) does exactly this, and she does it well.

When I first started “Reining In” I was less than impressed, more of a “eh.. ok…” but not WOWED. Then (about 54% of the way in) the story started, and I couldn’t pull myself away.  Just when I thought I was going to be stuck reading a story about the, “100 different ways an excruciatingly old vampire could throw herself a pity party,” Judd finally made her move from emotional set up to full out action.  The players suddenly morphed into the “best versions of themselves” and the “unconscious” ramblings, that were thrown around like dirty sock, in the first half of the novel finally clicked into place like perfectly aligned puzzle pieces.  The writing was steady and strong through out the entire novel, and even more surprising… I didn’t run into a truck load of editing errors (which has been happening a lot lately.)

In the end? This was a solid book, with solid writing, and an original story featuring none other than your friendly neighborhood blood sucker.  Well worth the $2.99 asking price if you ask me.

Get it, Live it, Love it…Pass it on.

Happy reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: always bring a flashlight…I don’t care where you’re going, or what you plan on doing, stick a mini mag in your pocket.  You never know when you’re going to need it.

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(4/5)

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Come Over Here And Let Me Smack You!

August 25th, 2010








It’s always a good sign when I have to physically pull myself away from a book to write a blog.  This has not happened to me in a while, and I have to admit… it’s rather refreshing!

The last time I read 4 books in 3 days was when I tackled the Twilight Saga (don’t roll your eyes at me!) Regardless of your feelings, the writing was undeniably captivating and had a way of sucking you in.  Amanda Hocking’s “My Blood Approves” series has successfully accomplished the same thing.

Combine: intrigue/fate/compulsion/and lust, throw in a pinch of hottie vampire, add a dash of vulnerable human and what do you get?  The next big thing, that’s what.

Sometimes my reasons for reading a particular book are… well…just plain retarded, and this time was no different. A few days ago I saw a random twitter post that read “Team Peter T-shirts!” and being the naturally nosy person that I am, I just couldn’t help myself.  Who was this Peter dude, and why in the world does he get his own shirt?  So I did the only rational thing I could think of, I bought the book.

For once that annoying little voice in my head did something right!

Normally this would be the part where I give my own personal synopsis of the book, but since I have read all of them so very quickly I figured I would let Amanda tell you.

Seventeen-year-old Alice Bonham’s life feels out of control after she meets Jack. With his fondness for pink Chuck Taylors and New Wave hits aside, Jack’s unlike anyone she’s ever met. Then she meets his brother, Peter. His eyes pierce through her, and she can barely breathe when he’s around. Even though he can’t stand the sight of her, she’s drawn to him.  But falling for two very different guys isn’t even the worst of her problems. Jack and Peter are vampires, and Alice finds herself caught between love and her own blood…

The only real problem I had with any of these novels was in the first 30% of the 1st book.  There were so many similarities to Twilight (sudden appearances in a car to save the day, family vampire setting, and a waitress that just couldn’t stop staring) that after 4 chapters I had to stop making annotations for fear of running out of memory on my Kindle, but thankfully… once the characters were established the story took on a life of its own, and a new world was created.  Hocking’s writing shined brighter the longer I read, and by the end of “My Blood Approves” I was hooked.  The tension created between the “love triangle” was so intense I felt a physical response when reading their dialogue, and the battles both inner and external (and believe me there were some doozies) were expertly plotted.

There were blood whores, pudgy brothers, mangy men from Finland, cracked skulls, one very high-tension moment with a cross, and lots of angst between a house of otherwise lovable creatures.

If you are a vampire enthusiast or would like to know the true meaning of “If you love them let them go” these are a MUST read!

Happy reading my fellow Kindle-its and remember: there are always two sides to every story! (And yes… in case you are wondering, Peter does deserve his own shirt)

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(5/5) <– and that goes for all of them!

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“A” For Effort?

June 10th, 2010

We all know books like these, it doesn’t take a scientist to figure out the premise (look at the cover art)

There are thousands of women that devote time, energy and a boat-load of money to keeping this particular genre alive. (Yes… I have been known to indulge in some blatant “trash” novels myself) There are even conventions to let those same women bath in a little eye candy while chatting up their favorite authors.

Now,  while every novel differs in its own way,  to write a successful novel like this there are a few (but very important) things that need to take place.

1.  You must quickly establish the 2 main objects of affection, however, it’s important to keep them apart and tease the audience with their “togetherness” for a few chapters. (The more you tease the more invested the reader will be in the outcome)

2.  There must be a dramatic interference in the lovers lives, something that (once they finally get together) starts to tug them apart.  This could be 1 of about 5 million scenarios.

3.  The drama (mentioned in 2) has to start immediately and span the entire length of the novel.  It must twist and turn the characters in ways you didn’t imagine, it must make the reader continually question whether or not the lovers will survive this horrible hiccup and it must culminate in epic fashion somewhere around the 75-85% mark in the novel.

Now… here is my point, (yes, I know… that was a really long winded way to get there)

“My Love Eternal” had all of the above, (it even had vampires) but unfortunately they were plotted horribly and the lasting effect was one of complete indifference. (God I hate admitting that)

“Liz Strange” has the ability to write a knock out  (I could see her potential  glimmering right under the surface, ) but for a novel that is supposed to be the start to a new series, the way in which THIS novel was set up was even more detrimental than if this was a stand alone read.  The first 40% was a weird twist of dream like sequences and confessions of undying devotion.  The initial chemistry “set-up” between characters was severely lacking going from 0-60 in just a few paragraphs, and there was absolutely no mention (or hinting of) potential life changing drama.  Finally at about 50% in we got the details, the “Watch out… here is my really ugly ghost and I just plopped you down into Casper’s path drama” but after 3 paragraphs of “rushed chaos” and “Oh my gods” the entire problem disappeared.  For 20 years. (Literally) It was not until 95% of the book was long gone that the story finally started to get exciting and even then I found myself caring more about the “son” in the story than the 2 leads.

Could this story have been a good one? Yes…absolutely. Like I said above it had all of the necessary elements to capture the hearts of the “devoted” it’s just to bad that the timeline was unforgivingly crumpled.

If you want to take the risk, go for it, who knows… maybe Liz will take some notes, find her inner goddess and let the world she has created take over in a fit of fury in book 2, but as for me… this was just another book, and not a very compelling one.

Happy reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: sometimes even vampires can be boring.

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(2/5)

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Burn Baby Burn

April 28th, 2010

I know that I should be reviewing something else right now, but in the spirit of paranormal obsessiveness I just couldn’t control myself. I have been waiting (literally) for months for “Burned” to be released, and for those of you that follow the “House Of Night” series I’m sure you have my back on the sudden book ADD I developed yesterday morning.

Anyways,

For those of you that have NOT jumped on this action packed/spirit filled/to much drama for your mama vampire band-wagon then I want to be the first to scold you. (Shame Shame!) and to tell you that there is plenty of time to catch up… and I do mean catch up. This series is NOT one you can pick up in the middle and hope to have a clue as to what is going on, the continuing plot is extremely complex and boast a VERY large cast of characters. (the total history is necessary…trust me)

!!!!STOP!!!!

Disclaimer: If you have not read “Tempted” yet do not read any further because there is a VERY BIG spoiler in the paragraphs below…don’t say I didn’t warn you.

After a shocking (I actually screamed out loud) ending to “Tempted” I was a little concerned that “P.C and Kristen Cast” had jumped the shark by killing off their main heroine, but again… this Mother/Daughter duo shocked me with their ability to twist the story to their favor. “Burned” like all of the other HON novels was action packed from cover to cover and in a surprising twist…amazingly current. How you ask? Well, for starters they made a “Glee” reference which, being a lover of the show, I found very amusing (and accurate) also the characters “generic” cell phones from the previous novels suddenly turned up as hip little iPhones in this novel.

The writing was (as always) flawless, as it should be by now, and even though additional character building could have been considered unnecessary, I was please to see that “Cast” expanded upon her already (aggressively) detailed characters. The plot was broken into several different stories, (Zoey/Stark/Heath – Stevie Ray/Rephaim/Red Fledgings – Aphrodite/Darius) each having a significant connection to the main plot, but also generating its own underlying subplot (which will be used in novels to come) There were a few NEW perspectives in the multi-narration (have no fear each person’s point of view was clearly marked) but more importantly… we were again left hanging (not as bad as last time, but enough to assume this is going to be an ongoing theme from now on.)

There were beautiful Indian boys, a lost giggling girl, an electricity wielding red fledging, a dedicated boy with a body full of cuts, 2 bulls, lots of kilts, even more fights, and 1 very broken soul.

Get to the store quickly my paranormal junkies because this one is going to sell out quickly.

Happy reading my fellow Vampires and remember: when in doubt, a Scottish accent counts!

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(5/5)

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History The Way It Should Be

March 8th, 2010

As I sit here, staring out of my office window, admiring Mother Natures wrath in the form of a torrential downpour, I am thankful of 2 things.

1.  I’m not out in this crap trying to lug around 2 small children and

2. I’m glad I don’t live in a mud hut like poor unfortunate Abraham Lincoln.

I have never claimed to be much of a history buff, as a matter of fact, unless it has to do with WWII I could really give a flying crap, but that all changed when I picked up “Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.”

Forget everything you know about American History, it’s a load of poopie, and just for a second consider the alternatives.

What if  Abraham Lincoln was less “Honest Abe” and more “Buffy-esq Abe?”

What if the 1850′s Typhoid epidemic was really “Vampire fever?”

What if the slave trade was just a really well though out blood smuggling ring?

History just got a whole lot more interesting didn’t it.

I was first introduced to “Seth Grahame-Smith” about a year ago through his controversial adaptation of a classic. “Pride & Prejudice and Zombies” was witty, it was fun, and it was…for a lack of a better term… completely deranged.  Which ever little voice it was inside of his head that told him to spiff up the old and make it new, we all should collectively buy it a drink.  In this particular case (AL-VH) his ability to take such a drab subject and turn it into a page turner was not only impressive, but amazingly enjoyable.

Abraham Lincoln is a man on a mission:  Flush out the existence of vampires and keep it quiet! After the loss of not 1 but 2 loves, his mother and his beloved Anna, his vow becomes his life.  Traveling the river with a list of names (ironically supplied by one of his “vampire friends” Henry) and a coat full of sharpened goodies, Abe starts to cut down the vampire community… 1 head at a time.  Keeping flawless journals and flawed friends (aka Edgar Allen Poe) kept Abe in line… or did it? What really started the Civil War…and who was there to watch it all go down?

Written in the form of a biography the plot can sometime be a bit slow…drug down by unnecessary factual details, however the unprecedented concept is so far in left field it is almost impossible not to enjoy.

Think of it as history 101 with a kick, a jump start to alternative thinking… or better yet, don’t think about it at all…take it for what it is, a fun read about a man we all know, or don’t know…as the case may be.

Happy reading my fellow Hunters and remember: mistaken identities happen… just be happy you’re not the one tromping through the woods half naked with Abe Lincoln on your tail.

For A Complete Book Description Click Image.

(3/5)

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Cat’s Got Your Tongue

January 13th, 2010

6 or 7 months ago I ran across this book and instantly felt the need to read it, unfortunately (as would be my luck) there was no Kindle version.  So there I was… watching it taunt me from my wish list until finally I decided to put my big girl panties on and actually purchase the physical book.  This final shove into adulthood however, did not come without reservation,  after 7 months of updated comments and crap reviews, I was a little bit doubtful of how good it was actually going to be.

Of course… I had to judge for myself, and I’m glad I did.

See, there is this newly formed phenomenon called the “Meyer’s Effect” it rears its ugly little head anytime a YA novel is released and spouts the now daunting words “Vampire” and “Romance.”  Regardless of the premise or plot intentions of the book, people are automatically inclined to compare and contrast it to the “Twilight” series.

Please people, for the love of all that is holy, you have to stop doing this.

“Eternal” was fantastic in an entirely NEW way.  The story follows 2 lead characters, Miranda, who due to no fault of her own ends up a vampire, and Zachary, her guardian angel, whom…coincidentally is the reason she is now guzzling blood instead of Sprite.

Zachary, overwhelmed by guilt and self pity turns to a life of drinking and partying, that is… until his boss, Archangel Michael,  sends him on a mission.

Save Miranda…and save yourself.

The story is a wonderful journey of determination and the ability to maintain free will, regardless of your current circumstances.

The writing was a tad choppy in places (mostly the beginning) but once the plot was in full swing, I hardly even noticed.  I will make it very clear though that I thought the ending was brilliant and fitting, I don’t see how softening it would have done the characters any justice. (Trust me when I say this was a matter of much debate in the previously mentioned reviews.)

There were personalized coffins complete with Nascar emblems, 1 serving of maid tongue, a vampire debutant ball, holy water dunking tanks for those who misspeak, the nosiest father on the planet, and one hell of a killer battle scene.

If you like vampires…and you like sarcastic pissy fallen angels…buy the book you will enjoy it.  But if you are looking for a smattering of romance and heartfelt speeches, better luck next time, cause this is not for you.

Happy reading my fellow Eternals and remember: cherubs aren’t angels, they are just fat little short dudes with curly hair.

For a complete book description click image

(4/5)

Comment ( 1 )

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