The Best Laid Plans

October 5th, 2011

You know that old saying “Never judge a book by it’s cover?” Well…I suck at that.  A few months ago (and by few I mean about 6) I got my Tor catalog in the mail.  Like always (after I stopped jumping up and down and acting like a complete idiot) I saw a few things that peaked my interest. Then (cue dramatic elevator music) I saw “Anna Dressed in Blood” by Kendare Blake. To say it was love at first sight sounds a tad ridiculous, I know, but there is no denying that I was head-over-heals-googly-eyed-should-be-in-a-padded-room in cover love with this book. Now, that being said…I was frightened of actually reading it.  Why? Because here I was, (basically drooling over some chick with wicked cool “floaty” hair,) knowing that there was no way in hell this book was going to live up to the hype I built in my own head. To say “crash and burn” would be nice compared to the pictures I had spastically flickering in my over-active brain, think…exploding sun. Luckily for me…my predictive skills suck and this book was (dare I say it) just as good as the cover. (Insert mildly humiliating happy dance.)

Cas Lowood has inherited an unusual vocation: He kills the dead.

So did his father before him, until he was gruesomely murdered by a ghost he sought to kill. Now, armed with his father’s mysterious and deadly athame, Cas travels the country with his kitchen-witch mother and their spirit-sniffing cat. Together they follow legends and local lore, trying to keep up with the murderous dead—keeping pesky things like the future and friends at bay.

When they arrive in a new town in search of a ghost the locals call Anna Dressed in Blood, Cas doesn’t expect anything outside of the ordinary: track, hunt, kill. What he finds instead is a girl entangled in curses and rage, a ghost like he’s never faced before. She still wears the dress she wore on the day of her brutal murder in 1958: once white, now stained red and dripping with blood. Since her death, Anna has killed any and every person who has dared to step into the deserted Victorian she used to call home.

But she, for whatever reason, spares Cas’s life.

So why was this book so good? Because it was. (Ha, just kidding.) Because just when you think the story ends, it’s actually just beginning. (How’s that for completely abstract.)

How about I break it down for you.

First, lets discuss Cas, the lead.  While at first he can be a bit abrasive (that’s code for an arrogant ass) you quickly discover it’s all an act.  Like most of us…he is jaded, and being so causes him to hide behind sarcasm, wit and loads of pop-culture references.  You know what? Cas can explain who he is better than I can:

“I’m not a superhero, ” I say. It’s an awful tag. It’s egotistical, and it doesn’t fit.  I don’t parade around in spandex. I don’t do what I do to receive accolades and keys to cities.  I work in the dark, killing what should have stayed dead.  If people knew what I was up to, they’d probably try to stop me.  The idiots would take Casper’s side, and then I’d have to kill Casper and them after Casper bit their throats out.  I’m no superhero.  If anything I’m Rorschach from Watchmen.  I’m Grendel. I’m the survivor in Silent Hill.”

Witty right? (This is where you nod your head yes.) Anyways, Cas is actually narrating this little shin-dig and because he is, we are privileged enough to experience his grief, confusion, determination, (and eventually) heartache first hand; adding an emotional element to one seriously bad-ass ghost story.

Now, as for the story itself…it’s twisty, it’s turny and chalked full of some of the most impressive descriptive passages I have ever come across.  For 316 pages I lived inside of this novel, swallowed whole by it’s beauty and anguish.  It’s was easy to read.  It left no stone unturned, and (as a bonus) it was horrifying in all the right spots.

In short…it was captivating.

Spend the cash, you won’t be sorry…

Happy Reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember:  Cellars are overrated.

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(5/5)

 

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Warning: Don’t Eat the Strawberries!

May 17th, 2011

Everyone has their reason’s for loving certain genres of literature. Maybe you are a fan of “romance” because you live for happy endings, maybe you like “paranormals” because you get enough of “reality” in your “real life.” Or maybe, just maybe…you are one of those people that like to read celebrity memoirs simply because, 9 times out of 10, they reinforce the thought that (despite not getting that new pair of Air Jordan’s in the 5th grade) you did indeed have a spectacular childhood.

Me? I’m the person who loves horror novels because (more often then not) they are difficult to predict.

In “The Dead Path,” Stephen M. Irwin does justice to all of the wonderful features that make horror novels difficult to put down.  It was creepy, twisted, filled with traumatic childhood memories, and haunted to the point of delirium.

Most of us believe that our souls quickly move from death to peace after our lives are stolen from us, but Nicholas Close knows better. After a freak accident that claimed the life of his wife, Close starts to notice things that no one else seems to see. For example: See that little girl in the front of the plane choking? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Why? Because she’s already dead. As a matter of fact she died a few weeks ago. Nicholas however, can describe to you in great details what she was wearing, the color of her eyes, and the look of terror that molded into her features as she died. See, Nicholas can see ghost, but not just any ghost, only the tortured ones; ones doomed to spend their last violent moments in a horrifically endless loop. Terrified by the thought of his sanity leaving him, Nicholas decides to return to his hometown, unfortunately he learns (very quickly) that there is no running from this sort of evil, and before he knows it, finds himself knee deep in missing children and murder investigations that all seem to lead back to one specific place. The woods.

The very first thing I noticed when diving into “The Dead Path” was Irwin’s spectacular use of language. While most horror novels default into descriptions of blood and mayhem to get their point across, Irwin approached his story from a different angle. One of intrigue and speculation. Instead of giving the answers away he forced you to find them for yourself, and in doing so, we (as readers) were led on a journey of (better than brilliant) adjectives. While I will be first to admit that this was not an overly “scary” read, as touted in the synopsis, I will go on record as saying the “atmosphere” created to accompany the characters throughout their journey was nothing short of what nightmares are made of (aka spiders, creepy old ladies, acres of abandoned woods, and dark magic.) The only (major) issue I feel the need to point out would be that the story was (even though written beautifully) a little wordy (in a few places) that could have benefited (action wise) from a more forward approach, but… if you are a person who enjoys details, this is can be easily overlooked as “newbie jitters” (meaning this is Irwin’s debut novel) and is in no way a deal breaker.

So…all in all? Great read, great writing and a fascinating exploration into the darker side of hauntings.

Happy reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: Unless you let your pain go, it will never fully leave you.

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(4/5)

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Waiting For The Punch Line

June 17th, 2010

One of the things I love so much about paranormal/fantasy novels is their amazing attention to detail.  Worlds beyond comprehension are created and characters, with otherwise impossible abilities, are summoned up from the imaginarium of the authors mind.

Now, all that being said I was pretty excited by the idea of a “paranormal-magic tracking” private investigator, unfortunately having a fantastic idea doesn’t always equal great execution.

For those of you who have ever watched a film noir  or noir shorts you will easily understand the format for “Tracking Magic (Max Killian Investigations)” Here was a novel that was written as a series of short stories which are (when you break it down) actually case files for the PI Max Killian, (a somewhat blase’ middle-aged investigator who -to be honest- makes a brick wall sound exciting.)

After Schnieder’s 1st story “Haunting Clues”,  (which I thought ended abruptly and had no substance) I was certain things would get better… there was just so much potential there, but instead of getting better, (expanding the personal attributes of Max or even bringing in references of older cases) the stories just…stayed the same. They were (in places) mildly entertaining, but the obvious repetition in the beginning of each story ( yes – I get it, you don’t tell people you can smell magic because then you will be taxed by the government) had me tuning out.

Would I count “Schnieder” out of the writers talent pool? No… she just needs to focus more on where she wants her “Hero” to go.

Do I think “Tracking Magic” is worth the time? Well since it only took me 2 and a half hours to read, sure… I’m just not all that sure I’d want to pay $2.00 for that 2 hours.

Read if you have NOTHING else.

Happy reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: The IRS eventually finds everyone.. there is no point in hiding… they are like a bad case of Ebola with no vaccine.

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(2/5)

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Bird Bones and Shrinks

February 5th, 2010

The paranormal world is one of ups and downs…For example, you can read 6 or 7 fantastic books in a row and then BLAH you run into a swamp. You would think that over the years my love of reading and my somewhat educated mind would learn that anticipation is a horrendous habit, yet there I was 12:30am Monday morning, hopped up on caffeine and waiting not so patiently for the Kindle faeries to bring me a prize.

“Light Beneath Ferns” was supposed to be a smash, I didn’t just decide this for myself, it has been splashed across the literary world for a few months now making several (including mine) lists of what to read in 2010. So as I sat on the edge of my bed, freezing my ass off cause my husband steals the covers, I opened the well worn cover on my Kindle and began to read.

The first chapter was brilliant. Spouting warnings like…”If death and the dead make you afraid, you better just stop reading and go take a nap.” and I loved the heroin of the book, she was brooding, witty, sarcastic and an overall pain in the ass (kinda like me) but as for the remainder of the book? Yes, thanks….I think I’ll go take that nap you suggested.

The concept of this book was captivating…very quiet girl who would rather spend time with bones than live people moves to town and meets mysterious disappearing boy. Great right? Just reading that sentence alone could spin a million different scenarios into your head, unfortunately…the book spent more time focusing on the emotional instability of Elizah and her screwed up family than it actually did with the “supposedly” scary scenarios.

Elizah likes to be alone, to her, talking is unnecessary and “fitting in” is the last thing on her list. After her father gambles all of the family’s money away and then jumps trial, Elizah and her equally as quirky mother hoof it out of town only to turn around and take up residence in a old house that borders a cemetery. Elizah, wanting nothing more than a little peace and quiet wanders the property eventually running across a human jaw bone. With bones on her mind and a mother on her back Elizah set out to find the truth, but instead finds Nathaniel, a boy that speaks like a fortune cookie and dresses like a pauper.

After the first chapter the plot becomes a tangled mess of witty but sloppy writing. All the questions are… in the end answered, (some very abstractly) but with the book being so short (it took me only a few hours to read it) there was hardly time for proper character developement leaving me with a somewhat distant or lost feeling. “Spollen’s” YA moments were lacking the push/pull that is necessary to keep an audience enthralled and the so called “scary” was almost completely non-existent. What was supposed to be a bright shining mark in this years literary catalog was nothing more than a mild jog through the woods with an overbearing guidance counselor and paragraphs of sloppy descriptives.

My suggestion? Save your money…if you require substance in your reads than this book is just to short to make any sort of lasting impression.

Happy reading my fellow Outcast and remember: if you find a random human bone in the ground just leave it there… picking it up and turning it into your pet is just plain weird.

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(2/5)

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Robots Are Creepy!

January 22nd, 2010

Everyone loves a Fairytale, it’s what we grew up on…stories of Cinderella and her glass slipper, tales of Little Red Ridding Hood and her fight to save her grandmother’s life.  We relish in the details, little girls spend hours pretending that their handsome prince is right around the corner, but what happens when there is no happy ending? Well, if you have read the original “Brothers Grimm Tales” then you already know, but for the rest of you…just imagine if the handsome prince wasn’t so handsome…imagine that after 5 months in the castle Cinderella concluded her new husband was a whack job…imagine if someone decided to twist the stories we grew up loving.

“Amanda Marrone” did exactly that in “Devoured” twisting and turning the story of Snow White in to a whole new tale of desperation and greed.

Megan has a little problem…her sister Remy is a ghost. A very small, very wet, very cranky ghost, who follows “Meggy” everywhere showing her glimpses of dead girls and throwing epic tantrums that cause light bulbs to shatter.  Her father is in a coma, her mother spends every waking hour training a dog to dance, and there’s a new boy in the mix that turns out to be a “Ghost Whisperer.”

After deciding her boyfriend has a little too much freedom, Megan takes a job playing the part of Snow White, in the “Land of Enchantment” amusement park, and while she’s ok with fake smiles and dads who tend to grope she’s not ok with hiding from approaching death in an oven in the Hansel and Gretel ride.

The writing was fluid and the plot was intriguing, like I said before…”Marrone” took a story we all know and love and flipped it into a full out battle of psycho ancestors and a magic mirror with a warped sense of humor.  The ending was a little bit abrupt, but by no means did it affect the story.

There were creepy moments inside a dark tunnel, a drunk mother who loves pink velour, haywire nursing home equipment, bad apples, a very dedicated father willing to do anything for his deranged daughter, hidden graves, and 1 very good reason to never loose your keys.

Overall I liked it… it was nice to see things from a different angle.

Get it, live it, love it…pass it on.

Happy reading my fellow Fairytale lovers and remember: never waste your 3rd wish.

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(4/5)

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Hello? Is Anyone There?

January 20th, 2010

What happens when we die? Do we descend to heaven? Hell? Are we stuck in some sort of everlasting parallel we refer to as purgatory? Where does our soul go? What do we remember? Who is there with us?

These are the questions “Laura Whitcomb” tries to answer in “A Certain Slant of Light.”

Helen is a ghost, she has spent hundreds of years following one host after another, joining in their daily activities and clinging to them as if they were her only source of life, in a somewhat clumsy attempt to find her way to heaven. She does not know who she is, she does not know what she did to be stuck in the loop she’s in, and she is sad.

After years of lonely wandering, blind to those in the “Quick” world around her, she suddenly notices a boy staring at her, his name is James, he is the answer to her prayers, and a way out. (or in… If you’re looking for acuracy.)

Although “Whitcomb’s” writing at some points are breathtaking, spouting beautiful descriptives such as: “They line the walls like a thousand leather doorways to be opened into worlds unknown.” the book was horribly jumpy. One moment I was reading a captivating novel about the implications of being a ghost and the next I felt as though I had inadvertently picked up the wrong book and starting perusing some horribly cheesy Harlequin, complete with instant love and naked marriage proposals.

Needless to say…40% of the way through I lost interest.

Fortunatly in the last 30 pages the plot picked back up… but unfortunately, I was sound asleep by then.

I wanted to like this book, I even tried to convince myself that I was being to harsh on it, but the reality of it is… I just didn’t give a crap. (which is never a good sign.)

It was a book…I read it…now I’m moving on.

There were moments of body hopping, a cult-ish like… secretive father who made my skin crawl, an overly protective big brother with understandable trust issues, an odd skittishly written war scene, a very sad moment of self recognition, and 1 very uncomfortable meeting with a shrink.

Even with all the little moments of literary genius…the complexities of the plot and the well thought out moral lesson, (except the mistakes you’ve made and forgive yourself.) it was still a flop.

Save your money.

Happy reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: everyone has a muse… chances are you just can’t see yours.

For a complete description click image

(2/5)

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