Archive for the ‘Book Rants!’ Category

You’ve Got… Male?

February 3rd, 2012

Online dating…oh what an interesting thing you are.

Back in the “bad ol days” when I had a “day job” I had the misfortune pleasure of working with a nymphomaniac. Now, I am by no means one to judge (*cough*) but her lifestyle was…well, lets just say it left very little to the imagination. While normal (or at least “normal” by HR’s standards) office mates talk about their children or whatever new dive bomb trend diet they are currently on,  Madame X (which is what we are going to call her because she’s the type of person who would set my house on fire for this) used to talk about her trials (aka hook-ups) in online dating.

At first, (I have to be honest) I was pretty shocked. It’s not everyday that you are told (in great detail) about the “guy with the iguana on his profile” (iguana is code… I’ll  let you figure that one out) and how after a long night of bar* hopping (bed*) she snuck into Captain Underpants’ bathroom and dunked his toothbrush into the toilet a few times (because he lied about his height…duh) But the longer I was forced allowed to “bunk” with her, the more entertained I found myself, and eventually I became utterly enthralled by the crazy unique world of online dating.

So, (I have a point.. I’m not just rambling. Ok…I’m rambling a little) when Lisa Becker shot me an email and asked me to take a peek at her novel “Click: An Online Love Story” I just couldn’t refuse. (We’ll just call it a stay a home moms grievous attempt at entertainment.)

“Fast approaching her 30th birthday and finding herself not married, not dating, and without even a prospect or a house full of cats, Renee Greene, the heroine of Click: An Online Love Story, reluctantly joins her best guy pal on a journey to find love online in Los Angeles. The story unfolds through a series of emails between Renee and her best friends (anal-compulsive Mark, the overly-judgmental Ashley and the over-sexed Shelley) as well as the gentlemen suitors she meets online. From the guy who starts every story with “My buddies and I were out drinking one night,” to the egotistical “B” celebrity looking for someone to stroke his ego, Renee endures her share of hilarious and heinous cyber dates. Fraught with BCC’s, FWD’s and inadvertent Reply to All’s, readers will root for Renee to “click” with the right man.”

Now there are some brilliant things about this book and there are some disastrous things.  And since I like to go straight for the jugular (wow, that sounds harsh) I’ve decided to talk about the bad first.

In theory… a book written entirely in email format is fascinating, interesting and NEW! In reality, it’s a tad confusing.  While the book as a whole (plot wise) isn’t difficult to grasp, (think beach read easy) the layout and speed in which it was written was. Confusing.

There are 4 main characters in this book. Renee, Mark, Shelley and Ashley (this is important…so pay attention.) And the book revolves entirely around these 4 characters.  But instead of character development in the “traditional” sense… (monologues, back history, internal dialogue) we learn about these (slightly neurotic) people through a series of fast paced (sometimes obtuse) emails.

For example:

 

From: Renee Greene  – February 24, 2011 – 11:52 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Looking for Love?

You don’t think that’s rude?  You know how I hate to be rude.  And remember what nonsense ensued the last time I ignored an email?

 

From: Shelley Manning  – February 24, 2011  -  11:54 AM
To Renee Greene
Subject:  Re: Fwd: Looking for Love?

Yes, Miss Manners.  I know how you are.  And yes, I remember the psycho.  But seriously, in this case, I think it’s much nicer to ignore it than tell him he’s a 35-year-old freak of nature.

 

After a while there are so many Re:’s Fwd:’s and CC:’s that if you’re not paying very close attention you’ll get lost. Especially when a brand new email pops up and makes reference to something that was never even mentioned in a previous email, (like say…they talked about it at lunch, but we weren’t privy to it because…they didn’t eat lunch over the internet.)

Becker’s choice to write in this format also limited the readers ability to connect (emotionally) to any of the characters, most importantly  Renee…who is supposed to be the “lead” and in search of love.  Without the “guts” (the filler that takes up about 50% of most novels) the entire novel read more as water cooler fodder than an actual book.

Now, all of that being said,  there are some diamond in the rough moments that I couldn’t help but love.  The most noteworthy being Shelley and her need to name her sexual conquest.

“Thankfully, it was an attractive, musky, manly scent that protruded from his highly-active pores.  From now on, he will be know as Fire Hose.”

It was these glimmery moments of humor that I was hoping for when I decided to read this book to begin with.

Also, after 2 very intense books in a row (“The Storyteller” and “Smoke Screen”) it was kind of nice just to kick back and not think so hard. There was a story, it was predictable, kitchy and read a lot like an episode of “Sex in the City” but still, it was fun.

So what is my final conclusion, (since I was kind of all of over the place in this review) It was cute.  Not great, and by no means the “next great American novel” but sometimes it is what it is. FLUFF.

If you aren’t one for deep meaningful reads and just feel like taking a load off, this one might be a good choice for you.  Everyone else… I choose the “meh” button.

Happy Reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: Peer pressure is evil, and so am I.

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(3/5)

 

Wanna take a crack at it too? How about trying to WIN a copy!!??  Just fill out the Rafflecopter form below and GOOD LUCK!

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Blind-sided!

February 1st, 2012

 

Once upon a time there lived a girl, in a tiny town, with nothing to do. So to pass the time she read.  She read, and she read, and she read…so much, in fact, that one day she threw down her book and declared that she had “finally read it all!”

“That can’t possibly be true,” her closest friend said. “There are so many books, and so little time, there is no way you have read it all.”

“Oh, but I have!” the girl proclaimed, “and I’ll prove it!”

“How?” asked her friend. “How will you manage such an un-accomplishable feat… proving that you have read it all?”

“Easy,” said the girl, twisting in her chair to face her friend. “Hand me my Kindle…I promise, that within the first 15 pages of whichever book you choose, I can tell you exactly what will happen.”

“Deal” said her friend, a smirk forming where a smile should have been. She took the girl’s Kindle and flipped vigorously through the titles, and then she saw it, the down turned face of a beautiful girl bathed in purple light.  This was the book that would change the girl’s mind.  She just knew it.  So she handed the girl back her Kindle and left the room. Five hours later she returned to find her friend clutching the Kindle to her chest. Her breathing quickened and her eyes wide.

“You are right.” said the girl…”I have NOT read it all, for this book I hold in my hands is new,  it is exciting, and it makes want for more.”  She then handed the Kindle to her friend and insisted that she read along.

“Welcome to the magical world of Intangible” the girl said, “It’s unlike anything you have ever read.”

“Twins Sera and Luke Raine have a well-kept secret—she heals with a touch of her hand, he sees the future. All their lives they’ve helped those in need on the sly. They’ve always thought of their abilities as being a gift.

Then Luke has a vision that Sera is killed. That gift they’ve always cherished begins to feel an awful lot like a curse. Because the thing about Luke’s ability? He’s always right. And he can’t do anything about it.”

Well, now that I have lulled you to sleep, with tales of pathetic ‘ol me, how about we talk about the book?

I used to expect the unexpected, I thrived on it actually, (like some girls thrive on chocolate) but about a year ago…the unexpected became much harder to achieve, especially in a genre like “paranormal.”  I know I have said this roughly 2 million times, so 1 more time shouldn’t hurt, but this is a very tough genre to make your mark in these days.  Unless you have an original plot and very strong characters you can pretty much count yourself out.  It’s a been there done that world.  So when I run across a book like “Intangible” by J. Meyers my toes get a little tingly and I feel this overwhelming need to share my feelings with the world. Why? Because books like these are the exception, not the rule.

Obviously…by this point you know that I enjoyed the book.  But what you don’t know, is why.

Now, I could go on for days about it’s exciting plot or action packed paranormal filled paradoxes but I won’t.  Because though all of those things are good, (or great, if I’m being honest) and they ultimately kept my fingers on hyper-drive, they were not what sucked me in, instead it was the characters that had me up until midnight reading.

For a debut author Meyers is amazingly talented at character development.  “Intangible” which in my head will forever be referred to as “Entangled” boasted approximately 700 types of paranormals (ok, I’m exaggerating, it’s more like 7) and (much to my surprise and delight) they each had their own voice, from the cranky to the overly cautious, and even though their dialogues were chopped up into many different perspectives, (think Christmas dinner with your 12 ADD 9 year old cousins) their depth was never lost.  As a matter of fact… their actions, (in the more “epic” of moments) only added fuel to their perfectly molded personalities, making this book a paranormal force to be reckoned with.

So what does this mean for you? Well, in short it means to cough up the $4.99 for the book. But if you are in need of something more specific I’ll go on record as saying this is one rock star start to a very promising series!

Happy Reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: lonely-ville is a very tough place to reside, everyone needs someone…so pay very close attention to how you treat those around you.

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(4.5/5)

 

Want to learn a little about Sera and Luke before you read “Intangible?” No problem… J. Meyers is offering up her short story “Intuition” for free.  Get to know the siblings before their futures get a little twisted.

 

Intuition: A Bonus Intangible Short Story

Luke and his twin sister Sera have unusual abilities. Hers is a gift—she can heal with a touch of her hand. His is a curse—he can see the future but he can’t do anything about it.

On a hike up the mountain, Luke has a vision unlike any other—one that leaves him terrified. Knowing that it will come true—and that he must do everything in his power to stop it—leaves his own future uncertain.

Click image to download!

 

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Sinking Ships & Pink Down Jackets

January 30th, 2012

La Bruyere, Jean De once said:

“The pleasure we feel in criticizing robs us from being moved by very beautiful things.”

He is right.

As a reviewer I sometime feel it is my duty to look past what is good in a book;  to point out it’s flaws;  to shine a light on the things that may irritate you or turn you away from a novel rather than pull you in. And… on any other day, with any other book…this might still be the case.  But every once in a while, when the air is thick, and the book in your hands makes it difficult to breathe, the flaws are no longer important.

Sometimes words aren’t enough, because how do you tell someone that a book broke your heart?  That a piece of your soul was lost today, trapped between hundreds on sheets of paper, and put on a shelf to turn to dust.  You can’t.  You can only talk of its beauty and leave the criticizing behind.

“Anna and Abel couldn’t be more different. They are both seventeen and in their last year of school, but while Anna lives in a nice old town house and comes from a well-to-do family, Abel, the school drug dealer, lives in a big, prison like tower block at the edge of town. Anna is afraid of him until she realizes that he is caring for his six-year-old sister on his own. Fascinated, Anna follows the two and listens as Abel tells little Micha the story of a tiny queen assailed by dark forces. It’s a beautiful fairy tale that Anna comes to see has a basis in reality. Abel is in real danger of losing Micha to their abusive father and to his own inability to make ends meet. Anna gradually falls in love with Abel, but when his “enemies” begin to turn up dead, she fears she has fallen for a murderer. Has she?”

“The Storyteller” by Antonia Michaelis is unlike anything you have ever read.  It is not particularly happy, (German literature rarely is) it reeks of desperation, and it reads more like a journey than the mystery it’s touted to be.  But it’s short comings and questionable moral standings do not hinder this story like they would for so many others, instead…they are what makes it brilliant.

Imagine if you will, loving someone so much…that it is physically impossible for you to utter the words that would change your life.  That you’ve known nothing but hate, betrayal, and sacrifice for so long, that a piece of you…the “best piece” is irrevocably damaged.  Imagine, that the only way to express your true feelings is through made up words.  A fary-tale, told to a 6-year old girl who, against all odds believes in the magic of hope.

This is the what “The Storyteller” is all about.  A boy made of glass.  A girl who tries to shine it, and a little queen who despite the cold, has zero problem seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

But…what makes it so special?  The writing.  Instead of READING the story, we are TOLD the story…as if we are children, snuggled in our beds, drifting along with the cadence of our loved one’s voice.

Listen:

“The island,” Able said, “is made of nothing but rocks.  Or should I say, it was?  The island was made of nothing but rocks.  It was the tiniest island anyone can imagine, and it lay far, far out at sea.  On the island, there lived a single person, a very small person – and because her favorite place was the cliffs, the very top of the cliffs, where she could look out over the sea – because of that, they called her the cliff queen.”

There is a primary plot…I assure you, it’s what brought me to my knees, but they heart of the book is in the fairy-tale Able creates, weaving his sorrows and his fears into the actions of a few rogue characters.

“The Lighthouse keeper helped the rose girl aboard.  The little queen helped Mrs. Margaret, who was a little vain and had donned a rose petal for a hat.  But all of a sudden, the silver-gray dog was standing on the pier barking.  He jumped over the green railing of the ship, bared his teeth, and ripped the branches from the rose girl’s arm, and the roses covering that arm withered instantly.  ‘What are you doing?’ the little girl shouted angrily. ‘She has just saved me!’”

It’s not necessary for Michaelis’ characters to say they are sorry out loud, because they actively live it in their heads, and that my friends is what literature is all about.

So if you have never FELT a book, been moved to tears or wondered why you adore someone who, by any other standard you should hate, read this book.  It is sure to leave a mark, even if it’s one of disgust.

Happy Reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember:

“These are scars of pity.  I had to do something afterward.  Something I’d feel…maybe not even out of pity but more for me, so I’d know I still exist in spite of everything…ridiculous, isn’t it?”

(5/5)

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Note: Though this is said to be YA, I strongly discourage anyone under the age of 18 from reading it.  It is brillant, but it is harsh.  Be young as long as you can.

 

Book Trailer

 

 

 

 

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Back To The Bubble!

January 27th, 2012

Imagine for a second that the world is ending; that there are only a few thousand humans left on the planet, and they are unable to reproduce.  Oh…you can have a baby, but the chances of it living past day 2 are ZERO, which makes you the LAST in a very long line of humans that will eventually time out.

What would you do?

Would you..

A: Curl up into the fetal position and pretend it’s all just a bad dream?

B: Blame your eventual demise on the government? or

C: Do something about it?

The answer for Kira, the lead character in “Partials” by Dan Wells is C.  Do something about it.

“The human race is all but extinct after a war with Partials—engineered organic beings identical to humans—has decimated the population. Reduced to only tens of thousands by RM, a weaponized virus to which only a fraction of humanity is immune, the survivors in North America have huddled together on Long Island while the Partials have mysteriously retreated. The threat of the Partials is still imminent, but, worse, no baby has been born immune to RM in more than a decade. Our time is running out.

“Kira, a sixteen-year-old medic-in-training, is on the front lines of this battle, seeing RM ravage the community while mandatory pregnancy laws have pushed what’s left of humanity to the brink of civil war, and she’s not content to stand by and watch. But as she makes a desperate decision to save the last of her race, she will find that the survival of humans and Partials alike rests in her attempts to uncover the connections between them—connections that humanity has forgotten, or perhaps never even knew were there.”

Now, in order to appreciate this book you must first understand a few things.  #1 it is a dystopian novel, but unlike the relatively fluffy ones that we enjoy (you know…the ones weighted down by forbidden love and teenage angst in a world gone mad) Partials is a “hard-core” dystopian.

What’s the difference?

Well… for starters, the plot is NOT about finding that special someone in the middle of the night whose duty is to hold your hand and tell you everything is ok; it’s about survival at it’s most basic of levels.  While there is technology, it is either your enemy, or you can’t use it for lack of power.  There is a government, but their moral compasses are…questionable, and though the world is wide enough to afford you freedom, you are not allowed freedom.

I’m not insinuating that there aren’t character connections, because there are, (in the most unlikely of places in fact) but they are vastly different from the books that are currently out there, which…is actually rather refreshing if you ask me.

The 2nd, and probably the most important factor to under before you dive into this 480 page adventure is that it is VERY detailed.  Now, while this doesn’t bother me, (I’m used to forensic anthropology novels that spend 80 pages establishing the live cycle of a maggot) it may drive some of you crazy.  Why? because it is science related.  Think of it as reading the manual to your microwave over and over and over.  Some of you might actually find it beneficial to skim (*gasp* yes… I said skim) these parts in order to reconnect with the plot.  Me? I’m not a skimmer, but I can see where several people might be tempted to put down the book and walk away when Wells starts to go on his robot rants if they don’t.

So, what did I think overall?

Well, despite the occasional meandering into clever-clever land, I actually really enjoyed it.  It was original, well thought out and had several sub-plots that helped establish the conditions of their post-war/virus lives.  While it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, it is definitely a winner for those of you that enjoy the battle of life, and as an added bonus…the ending was spot on, all the way down to it’s book #2 setup.

Happy Reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: it’s not about HOW far you will go, but WHY you are willing to.

(3.5/5)

 

Book Trailer

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There’s A British Dude WHERE?

January 26th, 2012

Afternoon Kindle-ites! Well, today I decided to take a break from the whole “I can’t remember my name” theme I’ve had going on and instead focus on boobs. That’s right…the ones you see directly to the left, the ones you are staring at instead of actually reading what I’m writing. *waves* Hi! Yes..ok, now that I’ve got your attention, let’s talk about “Knockers” by Ellyn Oaksmith.

“Knockers is about a young woman, Molly, who, through a surgical error receives unwanted breast implants. Furious, she schedules surgery to have them removed, only to find out that the implants begin talking to her. The implants, Max and Louise, give her great advice about her burgeoning love life although they rarely agree and are both highly opinionated and belligerent.  Through Max and Louise, Molly learns to trust her own instincts and falls for the most unlikely of men. “

That’s right ladies and gentleman….Talking Boobs!!! Now, before you get all high and mighty on me and think I’ve completly lost my marbles for loving this book, let me explain to you why it was so freaking brilliant that I stayed up until 3am reading (and pointing and laughing) at it.

Who here has seen the movie “What’s Your Number?” (which is actually based on the book “20 Times a Lady” by Karyn Boznak…just FYI) If you have, you know the beauty of well placed humor. The chances of 2 relatively hot people shedding their skivvies and jumping into the Hudson River at midnight are slim to none, (no one wants to chance bacteria in the lady bits) but “reality” isn’t what matters in these scenarios…it’s the feeling the “made-up” experience provides you.  Oaksmith adapted the same concept (delusional reality) and created an entire world around it.

Here is the thing, Molly (the lead) has some seriously deep-seeded issues, that (like most women) she keeps stuffed in her denial drawer.  It’s not until a pretty funny (ok, maybe not so funny for her) accident at the plastic surgeon’s office, that these issues come to life.  Literally. In the form of 2 talking breast implants.

I’ll admit, at first I was a little concerned that this book had jumped the shark, but the more I read the more it made sense.  Molly needed help, and what better way to give it to her than to make her a tad insane.  Her boobs (Max and Louise) added an outlet for Oaksmith to express Molly’s inner anxiety without wasting valuable space on monologues, and in taking the risk of the unconventional…she was able to create two very interesting and often funny characters without having to give them a past or even a future.

Like every good romantic comedy there are gobs of misunderstandings, lots of clumsiness and huge bouts of uneasiness,  but lets be honest…those are the characteristics that drive stories like these, and as if that wasn’t enough, they characters were damn near perfect, in a very “we-are-a-screwed-up-bunch-wackos” way.

The only problem I had with this book, (and I’ve actually ganked an entire star away from it’s rating because of it) is the horrible editing.  While the plot is fantastic, there are parts were I had to stop and re-read a sentence to understand what was trying to be said.  For example:

“Instead I forced myself to I call Dr. Hupta’s office from the kitchen.”

These are easy to bump over, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be fixed.  Immediately.

Despite the oopsies… it was a hilarious book that anyone in need of a good belly laugh would be wise to read.  I’m certainly glad that I did.

Happy Reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: always bring a STABLE friend with you to the hospital…

(4/5)

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You Got Robbed!

January 25th, 2012

About a month ago I reviewed (on Amazon, not here) a book called “Flip.”  In “Flip” a teenage boy wakes up (after a horrible accident that was never actually described) in another boy’s body.  Not exactly the best way to start off your morning right? Well, as the story progressed we learned that even though Alex (the boy now living inside Flip’s body) had technically kicked the bucket, his soul had other plans.  As in “Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Go directly to…. the closest available body.”

Anyways…I was not a big fan of this book, I actually think I rated it a 1, (I’d have to go back and look) but that’s beside the point, the point is that the concept was not the problem.  The execution was.  Why? Because it never went anywhere.  The entire book felt one long unmitigated journey to no man’s land.  Other than Alex trying to find out what the hell happened to him, (which yes… I admit did have it’s moments, why wouldn’t it) there was nothing to the story. Zip. Zilch. Nada.  Think of it as waiting, for 274 pages, for a shoe to drop that eventually you realize… was on your foot the whole damn time.  It was exhausting.

So what does this have to do with Harry Krebs’ novel “Fractured Persona?”  Everything.  “Fractured Persona” is “Flip” written correctly. (Ok…it’s a bit of a “grown-up” version, but it’s the same general story. I’ll stop talking now.)

“Richard Fornek is shocked to discover he has acquired not only a different identity, but also a new body after recovering from a coma in a North Carolina hospital. Although he recalls every detail of his life as Richard Fornek—his job back on the West Coast as a structural engineer, and his stormy thirteen-year marriage to Karen—his appearance is that of local warehouse worker Dan Curtis. Traumatized, he insists that he’s Richard Fornek, but when faced with the prospect of incarceration in a psychiatric hospital, has no choice but to live as Curtis; including accepting his marriage to Curtis’s spunky wife, Elizabeth. Before long, Fornek finds himself beginning to fall for Elizabeth, but the accusation of the murder of Curtis’s former lover throws a wrench in the blossoming relationship. Fighting to prove his innocence, he attempts to plead his case to his only confidante, a Baptist minister. If all fails, he will be faced with the death penalty and losing the woman he has grown to love. Steeped in mystery, suspense, and a touch of humor, Fractured Persona by Harry James Krebs is guaranteed to keep readers guessing from the first page to the last.”

“Hey Misty….What made “Fractured Persona” so different?” Well, in the most ridiculous of terms (cause duh…that’s what usually pops into my head) it had gumption. Not only did Krebs write a story that is sure to draw anyone in from the very first sentence.

“I wasn’t sure how long I was conscious before I became aware of my surroundings.  It could have been minutes, but it could have also been several hours.  I slowly lifted my head to inspect the setting around me.  The medical facility decor was unmistakable, with it’s cinder-block walls painted with cream-colored glass paint for ease of cleaning.  The air in the room was filled with the usual antiseptic smell mixed a hint of urine.  I hoped it wasn’t mine.”

But he managed to write a story that is not only intriguing on a “mental” level but an emotional one as well.

What do I mean? Well… first of all, it’s kind of hard not to focus on the fact that Richard/Dan hasn’t the faintest idea of who he is, where he is, or why he is there, but that’s not what makes the story.  What makes the story is what happens to him WHILE he’s trying to figure all of this out.

Stop. I know what you are thinking. “Duh Misty….we know that “what happens to him WHILE he’s trying to figure all of this out” is what the story it about.  It’s kind of obvious!!!”  But hear me out, cause I assure you, that’s not what I’m thinking.

Richard is a bit of a disaster, but underneath all of the moaning and groaning about his less than perfect life, he’s a good guy.  Dan (the man’s body that Richard decides to go all body snatchers on) isn’t a good guy.  As a matter fact he is probably one of the worst “Body snatching” options on the planet.  He is a drunk.  He is an ass. He is a cheat, and even more impressively disgusting…he is the prime suspect in murder investigation.

Overcoming THESE obstacle, not his missing body, is what drives the plot in this book. (This is the “kicker” that was missing from “Flip.”)

If I’m being completely honest, I was rather impressed by Krebs’ ability to make me both adore and want to strangle the lead character.  While we (meaning the readers) know that Richard is Richard, not Dan.  It’s hard not to want to lash out at him for all of the shitty things he has done to those around him.  For that, and that fact alone… I pat Krebs on the back.  It’s a pretty impressive feat to accomplish in 312 (or so) pages.

My only complaint? There was never a definitive resolution to the whole “Hey…this isn’t my body!” situation, but… I guess, you can’t win them all.

All in all… a pretty interesting book.

If you like a good mystery and thrive on the unknown, this one might be a good gamble for you.  If nothing else, the ending shocked the socks off of me and that is a pretty hard thing to do these day.

Happy reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: deny deny deny!

(4/5)

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Waking Up Naked

January 23rd, 2012

So, I’m just going to go ahead and dub this week “I don’t know who the hell I am!” week, seeing as how all but 1 book I’ll be talking about this week is riddled with amnesia, (yeah…weird)

Anyways, I am a super huge goober fan of Heather’s and have been for a while now, (especially since she named a character after me!) so when she emailed me over the holidays and practically begged, (ok…maybe it wasn’t quite that dramatic) to read her next novel “Blank Slate Kate” I couldn’t refuse.

Here is the thing, Heather is fantastic with emotional dynamics, she has on several occasions, (Planning to Live, Go Small or Go Home, Seven Exes are Eight too Many) made me cry like a teenage girl who realizes her Gucci is fake, and when I’m not making a total ass out of myself, I’m laughing at her rather refreshing takes on life, (“I follow a link to Twitter and am soon drowning in endless updates like “Boyfriend farted this morning. Ew.” and “At Starbucks to work. Go me!”.  Everyone’s talking, constantly, but nobody’s saying anything that matters.”)  So when I realized that “Blank Slate Kate” was about a woman who wakes up thinking she’s a hot 16 year-old blonde girl only to find out she’s a 30 year old tattooed brunette, I couldn’t wait to get started.

First…they synopsis:

Waking up with a strange man is scary. Realizing you lost fifteen years of your life overnight? That’s terrifying. With her memories from seventeen to thirty-two gone, Kate has no idea who she is and where she belongs. As she begins to fall for the man who found her, she wonders if she forgot those years for a reason. Should she keep trying to retrieve her original self, or start a new life?

Now, as much as I love Heather, (and her work…obviously) this was not her finest hour.  While the book was entertaining, and even laugh out loud funny in parts…it lacked the draw I usually feel when reading her work.  Was it poor character planning? Maybe…there is one character in particular (Jake) whose attitude was very mono-directional only to be chopped in half and scattered about like buck shot, (dear God… I did NOT just make a gun reference) about half way in, BUT… even this couldn’t REALLY be the problem, it wasn’t THAT bad.  Maybe… it’s that Heather’s writing almost solely depends on her ability to capture her audience with emotion and that’s hard to do when your main character doesn’t know how to feel herself.  Who knows… the fact remains, that regardless of the pleasantness of this read, (and yes…it was a fun, quick, pleasant read) I wasn’t attached, (emotionally) they way I should have been to Kate/Donna and her battle for self-recognition. (*tear*)

All that aside, the story, (premise) itself was undeniably fantastic.  There was Heather’s ever present “love” aspect, but at the same time there was intrigue, (in the form of a mysterious iPhone app) gobs and gobs of heartache, (bound to happen when you are basically clueless) and enough wit to fill a garbage bag.

So, was I disappointed enough to steer you in the opposite direction? No…like I said, it was a pretty cute, interesting read. And though it wasn’t her BEST effort, (according to me) there’s no denying that it was still a good one.  If you like romances, this is definitely one you will enjoy so go ahead and snatch it up.

Happy Reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: What’s in a name…a rose by any other, oh forget it, we all know that’s bullshit.  Cheers!

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(3.5/5)

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Making “Team” T-shirts!

January 13th, 2012

I’ve been sitting on this review for more than a week, trying (in vain) to compose myself enough (from it’s CLIFFHANGER ending!!!) to be a sensible, rational, well spoken reviewer.

And… after hours of agony and approximately 750 gummy bears I’ve come to realize that it’s not gonna happen.

So…in the interest of saving most of you time, and me the fitful anticipation of getting this off my chest, I’ve decided to just throw this out there, and then move on…to that whole “rational” thing I was talking about a second ago.

Here goes nothing.  “Go Team Tristan!!!!”

Alright, now that I have proven to all of you that I’m A: obviously a fan of the dark side (see the synopsis) and B:  A 15 year old girl with a horrible acne that locks herself in the closet instead of going out in public… we can move on; to the synopsis.

“Two years ago, Scarlet awoke in the forest alone, afraid, and unable to remember anything. Lost and confused, her life was a mystery…until she met a boy with a familiar voice.

Gabriel Archer has a voice from her past, and Scarlet’s determined to remember why. She immerses herself in his life only to discover he has a brother he’s kept hidden from her: Tristan Archer.

Upon meeting Tristan, Scarlet’s world becomes even more muddled. While she’s instinctively drawn to Gabriel, she’s impossibly drawn to Tristan–and confused out of her mind. As she tries to piece together her history Scarlet realizes her past…might just be the death of her.”

Now, how about we learn a few things about this stunning book.

#1 It’s original.  That’s right people… I said Original, with a capital ‘O’ *gasp*

This is probably THE thing I harp on the most when it comes to anything paranormal, so the fact that I didn’t have to berate my good friend Chelsea about it being just another wolf if sheep’s clothing was (to say the least) a relief.

Now… just because it’s original (*throws confetti*) doesn’t mean it didn’t have it’s flaws; the most important being that it had a very slow start.  Maybe I’m just used to Chelsea’s quick style of writing (see Sophie & Carter) maybe… I think that Chelsea is better than she allowed herself to be (relationship wise) in the beginning of the book.  But I was literally (no..seriously, I marked it) at page 120 when I finally felt drawn in.  Up until that point I was just really annoyed by the 7 hundred million mentions of hanging stars and (cue evil music) Tristan’s need to be a total jackhole.  But man… I tell you what, once I hit page 120, it would have taken 3 cheesecakes and a side order of Sam Worthington to pull me out of that book.

“Hey Misty…what did you like best about this book?”

Well, other than the love triangle, which…let’s all be honest with ourselves, we knew it was coming.  I loved Chelsea’s choice in narration.

“Anew” is, (for all intents and purposes,) a partitioned book.  No, it is not divided into “parts” but the narration is not singular either.  It is multi-narration, which allowed me (or you…if you follow my advice) to be drawn in from 3 VERY DIFFERENT angles.  The helpless, the hungry and the brooding, (I’ll let you guess which one is which)  Following Scarlet, Gabriel and Tristan’s journeys separately only acted as a catalyst in Chelsea’s crafty mind games, and in the end…made the plot much more exciting than it would have been one sided.

I will admit… there were a few parts that were predictable (maybe I’m just hard to fool anymore, who knows) and as a follower of mine (Farin) pointed out… it was a little surprising that it took the other characters (mainly Scarlet and Gabriel) so long to piece things together, but hey…it is what it is.

Overall… I enjoyed it.  I was furious with Chelsea and the way she ended it (regardless of how smartly plotted it was) but it was well worth the first 120 pages to discover a whole new world of opportunities that may or may not spring up in the cursed lives of the Archers.

My advice…if you love ANY type of YA, Paranormal or even just romance; get this book.  Hell, it’s only $2.99…if you are like me, you spend more than that on coffee every day.

Happy Reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: if he’s hot…it’s ok to follow him into his basement of doom.  Ok, not really, but you get what I’m saying.

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(4/5)

 

Book Trailer

 

 

 

Hey guess what!!! I’m not done.

The lovely Ms. Chelsea shipped me a signed copy of “Anew” to giveaway to one of you lucky lucky readers, so… just hop on down to the Rafflecopter sign-ups and get busy!

 

The Giveaway!!

 

(more…)

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Oy! Not Again!

January 11th, 2012

Sooo… it’s been a while since I’ve read chick-lit, mostly because I hate it, (ok hate it is a bit of a stretch, lets just say I wish it intense bodily harm.) but more, because I just can’t bring myself to accept if for review. Now, just so we are clear… I’m not talking about romances or (more common these days) a romp in the hay. Noooo… I am talking about the, “Oh woe is me, my life really sucks so I’m going to sit her and whine about it for 260 pages before I finally figure out that living in a 5 bedroom house with my perfect husband and my 2.5 children isn’t so heinous after all. Hey let’s throw a party!” Chick-lit.  (I know you know what I’m talking about.)  Anyways… I decided to take on the chore (yes chore) of “Friends Like Us” by Lauren Fox because it boasted humor. (“Fox neatly balances the comic and the serious…” – Margaret Quamme, Columbus Dispatch)  Lots and lots of humor.  Which, I kind of need right now.  Unfortunately, there is no amount of puns (“It looks like you’re playing pinball with your eyes. Like you’re playing eyeball!”) or witty dialogue exchanges (“”Did I not mention that I’ve been married and divorced three times?” “You did not.” I say. “Yes! And I have, um, twins.  Four-year-old twin, uh…boys.” “Really!” “Yes, and from different mothers!”) that could make up for the disastrous last 3 pages of this book. (*glares at evil evil book!*)

But first… a word from Fox’s sponsor:

“For Willa Jacobs, seeing her best friend, Jane Weston, is like looking in a mirror on a really good day. Strangers assume they are sisters, a comparison Willa secretly enjoys. They share an apartment, clothing, and groceries, eking out rent with part-time jobs. Willa writes advertising copy, dreaming up inspirational messages for tea bags (“The path to enlightenment is steep” and “Oolong! Farewell!”), while Jane cleans houses and writes poetry about it, rhyming “dust” with “lust,” and “clog of hair” with “fog of despair.” Together Willa and Jane are a fortress of private jokes and shared opinions, with a friendship so close there’s hardly room for anyone else. But when Ben, Willa’s oldest friend, reappears and falls in love with Jane, Willa wonders: Can she let her two best friends find happiness with each other if it means leaving her behind?”

Alright…alright, I will admit that I was (unconsciously I assure you) drawn in by the prologue of this novel (there is a bit of a battle royal staged at a bank) and… against ALL of my better judgement I just HAD TO KNOW what in Hemingway’s holy name happened, so I read on. But it wasn’t all that far into the read (though it’s a quick one) that I realized that I had committed to something less than spectacular.

Like I said above, as with every other chick-lit I have read (I beg of you…someone please prove me wrong) the beginning of the novel was the best part, but around the 60 page mark or so.. I started to find Fox’s sarcastic slams and pun-tastic play on words down right annoying.

Now, before you start scolding me, because I too am ingrained with the “say sarcastic shit” button, I have nothing but respect for those who know when to shut it off, especially when it comes to writing…a somewhat serious book.  That’s not to say I didn’t chuckle like a lunatic (and perhaps take notes) in the beginning of this book, I’m just saying that a break now and then (like say…for instance: during sex scenes) would have been nice.

So, what about the characters?

Well, Willa was mildly entertaining when she wasn’t destroying herself, Jane was nice…when she wasn’t being a control freak, and Ben was… well… pathetic. No, actually, change that to gutless, (which also goes for Willa.)

And, if that wasn’t enough to warn you off of this mildly amusing, yet incredibly predictable read.  Let’s talk about the ending.

IT SUCKED!

I’m talking grade-A, top of the class, “what the hell….is that it?” type of ending.

In 3 words… it just stopped.  Everything was a mess, Willa was rambling about something that may or may not have been construed as meaningful and the next thing I know, *POOF* it’s over.  Which left me a little annoyed that I had even read the book in the first place.

All in all… not that awesome, unless you need material for a girl on girl smack-down.

Don’t waste your money people, spend it on something you won’t want to drive a wooden stake through.

Happy Reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: Fool me once, shame on me.  Fool me 26 times… I deserve to be punished.

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(2.5/5) <—I’ll give it an extra 1/2 of a star for the few times coffee came out of my nose.

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Flight or Frenzy

January 9th, 2012

Ladies and gentlemen… it’s that time again.

The time in which I bore you to death with my over-analytical mind and unabashed love for treks through the woods. That’s right… it’s a fantasy novel!!!! *does a somewhat retarded looking leg kick*

It has been a while since I read a good “you destroyed my family now I must take vengeance on you” novel and since Daniel (you might as well get used to that… there’s no way in hell I’m calling him Mr. Arenson) pretty much guaranteed me his soul (and a working right arm) to review “Blood of Requiem,” I had to agree. (You have no idea… I really need that right arm.)

Anywho.. before I go on a some ridiculous rant (which you will most likely skim than read) let me share with you what this book, (with the breathtaking cover) is all about.

“Long ago stood the kingdom of Requiem, a land of men who could grow wings and scales, breathe fire, and take flight as dragons. Requiem ruled the sky.

But Dies Irae, a tyrant leading an army of griffins, hunted Requiem’s people, burned their forests, and shattered their temples. Requiem fell. This ancient land now lies in ruin, its halls crumbled, its cries silenced, its skeletons littering the burned earth.

In the wilderness, a scattering of survivors lives in hiding. The griffins still hunt them, and every day promises death. Will Requiem’s last children perish in exile… or once more become dragons and fly to war?”

Fantasy novels are epic…heart-wrenching, and ultimately designed to test the wills of all involved.  This is what makes them so engaging, and also one of the more difficult genre’s to write. To be honest,  there is rarely (if any) “actual” history involved when piecing these stories together, and 99% of the time the worlds created are exclusively unique, eliminating the need for extensive research, BUT maintaining a certain level of drama while at the same time “building” a world can be daunting, and if an author lacks experience, (or a significant amount of coffee,) their writing can sometimes appear stunted.

Why does this matter…?

Well… we are well aware by now that Daniel is a very talented fantasy author, (at least according to me) and has plenty of experience, but that doesn’t mean that every once in a blue moon his writing doesn’t lack the “golden shimmer of greatness.” What it does mean however, (deep breath) is that Daniel knows how to recover.

For example, below I have offered you two passages; from two very different times in the book.  In the first, Daniel seems a little off balance, like he really wants to make the passage shine, but he isn’t quite sure how, instead it reads as an average descriptive paragraph for an average everyday book.  In the second passage however (which comes at about the 60% mark) you can see that he finally found his footing, and created an awe worthy, visually captivating paragraph that makes his story come to life. This (naturally) is the point in the book where I finally connected. *ding – light bulb*

-Towards to Beginning: “Forget Gloriae for now, he told himself. Benedictus needs me. Kyrie shot between clouds, zooming, tumbling, somersaulting.  He flew with eyes narrowed, flew like never before, dazzling the griffins, spinning so fast, they barely knew where to follow.  As he flew, he roared in pain and pride, for his king had returned.”

-Slightly past the mid-way point: “The blaze hit the griffin, pushing it back.  It tumbled a few feet, then again flew at Benedictus.  It looked like some roasted animal now, smoking and furless, its skin red and black and blistering.  The beak was open and screeching, the rider writhing and screaming, a ball of fire and blood.  Benedictus howled and lashed his tail, driving its spikes into the griffin, and finally it tumbled toward the ground.  It fell like a comet, still screeching, until it hit the ground and was silent.”

And since we are on the topic of disjointedness.. the dialogue also felt a tad flat in the forefront of the book (very un-Daniel like I might add) but again, he made a startling comeback once his characters were fully feted out and took on a life of their own.

Anyways, on to what I loved about “Blood of Requiem” (partially because I want you to understand that this was a solid start to a promising series, and partially because I think Daniel may have a gun to his head right now.) The dragons. *roars into the air like a moron*

I LOVE dragons, and this is one area where Daniel did NOT let me down.  Their descriptions were breathtaking, their actions intoxicating, and though they huffed and puffed (literally) at each-other when irritated, this only endeared me to them more.  Most dragons are written from the “callous” angle, or at the very least… one that makes them appear gruff and unmoved, but Benedictus and his family of shimmery beast were not.  Instead Daniel brought their weakness to light, highlighting their prideful stubbornness but also their damaged souls.  In short… he kept them human, making their flaws beautiful instead of shameful.

As for the rest of the characters, (Dies Irae and Glorea specifically) I hated them.  Not from  a writing aspect mind you, but full fledged hatred that one might have against…say…their neighbor who throws grass seed in their flower beds. Which… only goes to show how far a few well written tirades can go.

So, what is my overall verdict? Well.. to be honest, this was not my favorite book of Daniel’s, BUT it has outstanding promise, AND… luckily for you (since I’m soooo freaking behind on reviews right now) the next 2 books are already out, so there is no waiting to see what happens next.

If you like fantasy, take a chance.  If you are more the “we’re going to the chapel…” type, this may not be the best book for you.

Happy Reading my fellow Kindle-ites and remember: Anger is like fuel… one little spark and shit will hit the fan.

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(3.5/5)

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